A Series Of Ramblings
by Quicquidlibet
Summary: The life of teenaged Phineas and Ferb told through text messages. Pairing: Phineas/Ferb. Extremely odd and spur of the moment. T for language.
1. Love

**This fic is comprised of randomness, sugar, and old text conversations between me and theBrillianceofNight. Beware.**

**Also, this takes place when they are teens. I DON'T OWN ANYTHING.**

* * *

Urgh, family gathering give me headaches. -Phineas

_Because everyone has to repeat everything five times? -Ferb_

Yeah. It's difficult to get anyone to understand things in this family unless you grab them by the forearms and force them to pay attention. -Phineas

_That's where and Candace get your short attention span then? -Ferb_

Ha! And my inability to shut up! - Phineas

_Yes, that too. -Ferb_

And everyone is loud. Like louder than me loud. -Phineas

_It's rather amusing. -Ferb_

It is. We just interrupt each other because there is no way any of us would wait for someone to finish talking, cos they WON'T finish. EVER. -Phineas

_And you wonder why I'm quiet. You never give me the chance to talk. -Ferb_

No, they don't. I do. All the time. -Phineas

_Sarcasm. -Ferb_

Um. Ok then. -Phineas

I'm not confused. No. Not at all. At a-all... *awkward laugh* Um. -Phineas

_… -Ferb_

_*blink blink* -Ferb_

_… -Ferb_

_… -Ferb_

_...Why would you be confused? -Ferb_

I'm not confused. I said so and everything. Weren't you paying attention? -Phineas

_Yes, well, my sarcasm sensors have always been faulty. -Ferb_

...Imagine if we were actually related. Like, you shared my genes and stuff. -Phineas

_The horror. -Ferb_

* * *

I've concluded that I'm very bad at subtlety. -Phineas

_That is not worthy of a proper response. -Ferb_

I'm either too inconspicuous or as obvious as L's eccentricity. -Phineas

_Well, we ARE both geniuses. We genii are horrible at being subtle and sensing subtlety. -Ferb_

_And when the hell are you ever inconspicuous? -Ferb_

...Like L and Light? -Phineas

_Very much so. -Ferb_

_And answer my question. -Ferb_

L and Light remind me of Sherlock and John. Except John doesn't choose to kill people. So it's more like Sherlock and Moriarty. Now there's a horrible combination; think of the children! -Phineas

_Phineas, answer the question. -Ferb_

I have the strange urge to speak in a southern accent. -Phineas

_Answer the question, Phineas. -Ferb_

My brain likes to read "answer" using the literal pronunciation. It's odd. -Phineas

I almost typed "odd" as "ood". An odd ood. Uncommon, no? -Phineas

And you do realize that I'm never going to answer your question, left? -Phineas

* * *

I hate you so much. -Phineas

_Hello to you, too. How many comments have you gotten on your outfit so far? -Ferb_

Every single girl that I cross paths with. I hate you. -Phineas

_You're the one who decided to dress as Sherlock Holmes for the day. -Ferb_

I needed an excuse to wear a scarf. But you already know that. -Phineas

Git. -Phineas

I blame you. -Phineas

You're such a bloody wanker. -Phineas

_Using British insults will not affect me any more than American insults will. -Ferb_

_Which is not at all, because I find this situation to be rather amusing. -Ferb_

Of course you find it amusing. My neck clearly marks your territory and you have the audacity to be proud. Despite the fact that it will cause a huge uproar. -Phineas

Smug bastard. -Phineas

_Like you've pointed out, your neck marks my territory (as you put it) and you have the audacity to hide it? -Ferb_

Dammit Ferb, let me be mad. -Phineas

_Why hide it? -Ferb_

Because I don't want people to find out like this! -Phineas

_It's more fun this way. -Ferb_

_I'm possessive, Phineas. You know that. I want people to know what's mine. -Ferb_

I'll only show my neck if I'm allowed to mark my own territory. -Phineas

Not that I'm asking for permission. I'm just as possessive as you, Ferb. The only issue is whether or not you'll cover your neck. -Phineas

What will it be? -Phineas

_I'll bear my neck with pride. -Ferb_

We'll be the talk of the town. -Phineas

Again. -Phineas

* * *

_Phineas, have you seen my jacket? -Ferb_

I'm wearing it today. -Phineas

_Why? -Ferb_

Cos it's warm, and smells like you. Plus, I get lonely in my classes without you. -Phineas

And yes, I'm very sentimental today. I am quite aware of that, thank you very much. -Phineas

_People will recognize that it's my jacket you're wearing. Now they'll definitely talk. -Ferb_

They already do, Ferb. -Phineas

* * *

I'm failing driver's ed. Or, the behind the wheel portion, at least. -Phineas

_Why? -Ferb_

The student car didn't have a joystick. -Phineas

_...No car has a joystick. -Ferb_

OUR car does. -Phineas

_YOU designed our car. -Ferb_

I designed it the right way! -Phineas

_No, you designed it ILLEGALLY. -Ferb_

And you built it! -Phineas

Hello? -Phineas

Ferb? -Phineas

_Of course I built it. You wanted me to. -Ferb_

_I apologize, I was writing on the board for my class and couldn't respond. -Ferb_

Oh. I thought you got mad at something I said. -Phineas

I panicked. -Phineas

Sorry. -Phineas

_It's alright. -Ferb_

* * *

_Can you imagine yourself as a delinquent? -Ferb_

Creepy. But really hot. If I were into that. -Phineas

* * *

Hey Ferb? Remember that time when you asked when I've ever been inconspicuous? I have an example now. -Phineas

_That being? -Ferb_

You had absolutely no idea I was attracted to you until I asked you out. -Phineas

_Actually, in hindsight, it was blatantly obvious to everyone. We just subconsciously ignored it. -Ferb_

You just can't stand the thought of me being capable of being inconspicuous, can you? -Phineas

_It's just not your personality, Phin. -Ferb_

* * *

Isabella asked if I was gay. -Phineas

Because apparently I seem gay now. -Phineas

_Didn't she used to like you? -Ferb_

Exactly! Besides, I can't even imagine what a gay relationship would be like. -Phineas

_Just pretend you and I were having a love affair. -Ferb_

Way to make things awkward. -Phineas

Oh, dude. Do NOT be all like "well... would that be so wrong? Because I love you. I really love you." because I won't be all like "Really? Me too!" because that is so flacking cliché and I'd rather die than go through that. -Phineas

_Of course I won't. You're not my type anyway. -Ferb_

What IS your type, then? -Phineas

_You need to ask? -Ferb_

Love you too. -Phineas

* * *

**Yes, this has Phineas/Ferb as a couple. Got a problem? Well, why the heck are you reading this? I mean, really, I told you in the summary. It's your own fault you've read this far. Idiot.**

**~Jessica**


	2. Boredom

**Credit belongs to theBrillianceofNight, who technically sort of co-wrote this because half of the stuff in here is from our text conversations.**

* * *

Ferb, I'm bored. Can we play a game? -Phineas

_What game? -Ferb_

I dunno. Something to make me think? -Phineas

_Freud's Random Word Association? -Ferb_

Let's make it more fun. How about we respond to each other's responses. -Phineas

_Alright. -Ferb_

I'll start. -Phineas

Lies. -Phineas

_Owen. -Ferb_

Forks and Ianto. -Phineas

_Ouch. -Ferb_

Pain. Laughter. -Phineas

_Opposites. -Ferb_

Don't attract. Similar. -Phineas

_Congruent. -Ferb_

Math. -Phineas

_Hard. -Ferb_

Rock. -Phineas

_Mason. -Ferb _

Animals growing in the stomach. -Phineas

_Pregnancy? -Ferb_

Death. -Phineas

…_.ly Hallows. -Ferb_

Hollows eat people. -Phineas

_Bleach. -Ferb_

White. -Phineas

_Kakashi. -Ferb_

Pervert. -Phineas

_Jiraiya. -Ferb_

Old man. -Phineas

_Dumbledore. -Ferb_

Manipulative. -Phineas

* * *

TAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAP. I'm a woodpecker. Your brain is my tree. -Phineas

You remind me of a barn owl. -Phineas

FERB Why aren't you answering your phone? I need you to stave off the boredom that is school! -Phineas

* * *

Give me random words please? Don't respond to my responses. -Phineas

_Wolf. -Ferb_

She. Bad. Kill. Fox. Runt. -Phineas

_Banana. -Ferb_

Curved. -Phineas

_Curvature. -Ferb_

Dictionaries. -Phineas

_Rhymezone(dot)com. -Ferb_

Fun! -Phineas

_Words. -Ferb_

Talking. Silence. -Phineas

_Broken mirrors. -Ferb_

Bad luck. -Phineas

_Squeeze. -Ferb_

Cheese! -Phineas

_Thin. -Ferb_

Tin. -Phineas

_Lotion. -Ferb_

ick. -Phineas

_Tunnel. -Ferb_

Syndrome. Vision. -Phineas

* * *

I'm currently sitting in a Meijer's shopping cart. It seems to be a developing trend. -Phineas

Mom takes forever when she shops. Why did I agree to come with her again? -Phineas

I saw the Fireside girls. They looked at me funny. -Phineas

_They're just jealous. -Ferb_

IknoRITE. -Phineas

* * *

_Random Word Association? -Ferb_

Sure. Let's play. -Phineas

_Continuing? -Ferb_

Never-ending. -Phineas

_Inconspicuous. -Ferb_

Blatant. Bull in china shop. -Phineas

_CD. -Ferb_

DC. -Phineas

_Pink. -Ferb_

Blegh. -Phineas

_Circus. -Ferb_

Explosion. -Phineas

_Hammer. -Ferb_

Hard. -Phineas

_Diamond. -Ferb_

Destructible. -Phineas

_Chaos. -Ferb_

Fun. -Phineas

_Bonds. -Ferb_

James. Ponds. Isn't that what you're studying in chemistry? -Phineas

_Television. -Ferb_

Watch. -Phineas

_Handcloth? -Ferb_

Chloroform. -Phineas

_Giddy. -Ferb_

High. -Phineas

_Jump? -Ferb_

Fall. Reichenbach. Sherlock. -Phineas

_Mind. -Ferb_

….Over matter. -Phineas

_Textbook? -Ferb_

Flirting. Hit over head with. -Phineas

_Hatred. -Ferb_

Cold. -Phineas

_Shiny? -Ferb_

Attractive. Bugs. Fullmetal's arm. -Phineas

_Fey. -Ferb_

Scary. -Phineas

_Mansion? -Ferb_

Waste of space. -Phineas

_Impersonal. -Ferb_

Rob. -Phineas

_Number? -Ferb_

Eleven. "Call me." -Phineas

_Galaxies. -Ferb_

Big. -Phineas

_Swim. -Ferb_

Finding Nemo. Drowning. My picture for Mr. Day. -Phineas

_Snow. -Ferb_

White. -Phineas

_Blue. -Ferb_

Clues. -Phineas

_Time. -Ferb_

Warp. -Phineas

_Water bottle. -Ferb_

Noah's pee. -Phineas

_Harbor. -Ferb_

Fish. -Phineas

_Growl. -Ferb_

Animal. Wild. -Phineas

_Naïve. -Ferb_

Stupid. -Phineas

* * *

_*knocking* -Ferb_

_*pounding* -Ferb_

_*drumming* -Ferb_

_*TARDIS materializing* -Ferb _

_*humming* -Ferb_

_*singing* -Ferb_

_*ringing* -Ferb_

_*silence* -Ferb_

_*meowing* -Ferb_

_*barking* -Ferb_

_*fog horn* -Ferb_

FLACKING HECK FERB, STOP TEXTING ACTION CUES. -Phineas

_Certainly took you long enough. -Ferb_

URGH. YOU. JUST. JUST. URGH. -Phineas

AWOOOOOOGAH. -Phineas

THAT'S a fog horn noise. -Phineas

* * *

_Plastic. -Ferb_

Container. -Phineas

_Sports. -Ferb_

Sweaty. Then hot. -Phineas

_Salesman. -Ferb_

Sportscar. Lying sportscar salesman. -Phineas

_Fork. -Ferb_

You. -Phineas

_Hotwheels. -Ferb_

BEAT THAT! -Phineas

_Bump. -Ferb_

Hips. -Phineas

_Icicle. -Ferb_

Bum-bum-bum-badda-dum-bum ICE ICE BABY! -Phineas

_Pickles. -Ferb_

Me-go-Hulk-hotdogs. -Phineas

_Keyboard. -Ferb_

Board-om. -Phineas

_Rain. -Ferb_

Wet. -Phineas

_Kick. -Ferb_

Boxing. -Phineas

_Light. -Ferb_

Yagami. -Phineas

_Influence. -Ferb_

Control. Loss of. -Phineas

_Husky. -Ferb_

Voice. -Phineas

_Yellow. -Ferb_

Hello. -Phineas

_Tongue. -Ferb_

Lick. -Phineas

_Crayon. -Ferb_

Scribbles! -Phineas

_Burn. -Ferb_

Fire. -Phineas

_Cupboard. -Ferb_

Hitler! And cans of food. -Phineas

_Honey. -Ferb_

Bunny. Milk. -Phineas

_Comb. -Ferb_

Over. -Phineas

_Anatomy. -Ferb_

Dissection. -Phineas

_Elephant. -Ferb_

Toys. Tom Milsom. -Phineas

_Bladder. -Ferb_

Peeeeeeee. -Phineas

_Sweet. -Ferb_

E, pie. Potatos. -Phineas

_Cold. -Ferb_

Shiver. -Phineas

_Black. -Ferb_

Gold. Red. Blood. -Phineas

* * *

Heyo, brother-mine. I have a dilemma. My brain has informed me that I'm bored. Remedy? -Phineas

_We're in class right now. Of course you're going to be bored. -Ferb_

But- but- but FERB! I CAN'T be bored! I'm PHINEAS FLYNN! If I'm bored the world must be ending! -Phineas

_The world seems fine to me, Phineas. -Ferb_

Ferb, you're not getting my point here. I get weird when I'm bored. My mind moves fast and everything seems surreal to me but no one can tell that my brain is messing with me at all. And I babble. -Phineas

_That makes you sound drunk. -Ferb_

THAT'S WHY YOU NEED TO FIX ME. And I know. It's probably as close to drunk as I'll ever get in my life. It happens quite often in AP Euro- OH WAIT THAT'S THIS CLASS. -Phineas


	3. Life, Windows, & World Domination

**Credit belongs to theBrillianceofNight, who technically sort of co-wrote this because half of the stuff in here is from our text conversations.**

* * *

Oh great goat babies, I am so enjoying this. -Phineas

_? -Ferb_

Acting class. Improv game. I was just like "Oh, Isabella. You idiot, choking on a muffin? For shame." -Phineas

_I see... Actually, I don't. -Ferb_

* * *

How's existence? -Phineas

_Moving along. -Ferb_

What's down? -Phineas

_Not up. -Ferb_

...you forgot to mention the heads rolling around like bowling balls. -Phineas

_Oh, yes. I forgot. Heads are rolling because up is not down. What has the world come to? -Ferb_

No, no, I meant you forgot to mention that rolling heads were down. - Phineas

_Ah, right. But what if the rolling heads are on the second floor and I'm on the first? -Ferb_

Then I guess you're screwed if the ceiling starts leaking. -Phineas

_Most definitely. -Ferb_

* * *

I just realized I'll make an awesome grandma. -Phineas

GRANDPA. I MEANT GRANDPA. -Phineas

* * *

I was talking to Isabella on the phone earlier and we got on the topic of high school. I told her that we're going to private school after this year for advanced education and she ranted at me for ten minutes straight. -Phineas

_Why? -Ferb_

She's mad cos we didn't tell her sooner. -Phineas

She's also annoyed cos this is "our last school year together." -Phineas

As if we aren't going to see her everyday despite going to different schools. -Phineas

_Seems she's forgetting that we live across the street from her. -Ferb_

It's just high school. I don't know why she's freaking out. -Phineas

_She doesn't want her 'last memories' of us to be in eighth grade. -Ferb_

Girls are weird. -Phineas

* * *

If we were to take over the world, we'd need a starting point. And not some small starting point. No. We need something bigger. -Phineas

Like Australia. -Phineas

_I prefer Russia, personally. -Ferb_

Yes. I know. -Phineas

But Russia has the 'no-invading-in-winter' restriction. I know I've agreed to help you conquer Russia, but wouldn't that be a set back? -Phineas

_If we employ "Blitzkrieg", we wouldn't even have to worry about winter. -Ferb_

_And where would we branch off from Australia? It's rather water-locked. -Ferb_

Sorry, mind's blanking, "Blitzkrieg"? -Phineas

Also, when has a thing such as environment ever stopped us? Although, you do have a point on that. -Phineas

The USA? Start at home? -Phineas

_"Blitzkrieg": Literally, lightning war. Theoretically, fast-as-lightning attacks. In general, lightning war. -Ferb_

_We've already conquered the U.S. -Ferb_

_Bucharest? -Ferb_

...See. This is why I can never win an argument (or anything similar) against you. You start using words I don't know. Bucharest? -Phineas

_It's a place. -Ferb_

* * *

Heyo, Ferbio. What's shaking?

_Cities across the world as they suffer through earthquakes. -Ferb_

You forgot to mention Pinky. -Phineas

_Oh, yes. And Pinky. -Ferb_

* * *

Candace is mad. -Phineas

ACK! Ferb! Hide me! -Phineas

_Why is Candace mad? -Ferb_

_And how am I going to hide you when I'm nowhere near you? -Ferb_

I might have modified her phone a bit without her permission. -Phineas

Again. -Phineas

And I may have told her it was your fault... -Phineas

I suggest you run or hide. -Phineas

_Honestly, Phineas? You can't be more responsible? -Ferb_

No. That's your job. -Phineas

* * *

Are you at Baljeet's? -Phineas

_Yes. Buford is here as well. Are you running late? -Ferb_

Obviously, if Buford's there are already. I'm just waiting for Candace to pick me up. What are you guys talking about? -Phineas

_How we deal with boredom in class. Baljeet doesn't get bored, I work on our building designs, and Buford looks out the windows and watches what's going on outside. -Ferb_

Their school has WINDOWS? -Phineas

* * *

How are we going to go about this whole "taking over the world" thing? -Phineas

_Your choice, sergeant. -Ferb_

I'm a sergeant? That's new. I thought I was just a foot soldier. Did I get a promotion I didn't know about? -Phineas

And. Um. Right. Plotting. I really want to send notes to the governments of the countries that we attack saying "*insert random demands* or we take you by force." -Phineas

_Yes. I would like a flock of living flamingos spit-roasted with smoked raw cucumber slices. -Ferb_

And a goat. -Phineas

_And a goat so tasty you eat so much and yet want more but don't want more. -Ferb_

You're starting to sound like Isabella now. *Scampers off to protect the goats* -Phineas

...Did I really just say "scampers"? -Phineas

Also, every time I burp, it tastes like fried pickles. We should add fried pickles to our demands. -Phineas

_[Page] -Ferb_

Blank. -Phineas

_Sorry, fuhrer dear. -Ferb_

It's alright, general. -Phineas

* * *

_You look bored. -Ferb_

No, I'm totally enthralled with this RIVETING lecture on stuff I already know. -Phineas

I swear, this school was built like a prison. -Phineas

_What makes you say that? -Ferb_

No windows. Heavy doors. Freezing cold. Crappy bathrooms. Uniforms. -Phineas

_So, our school is a prison? -Ferb_

YES. -Phineas

We should remodel it. -Phineas

_Then it would be too distracting and no one would learn. -Ferb_

Shut up. -Phineas

Stupid assigned seats. -Phineas

I'd be less bored if I could sit by you. -Phineas

* * *

**Because, really. Let's be honest here. What teenager does not have at least one conversation about world domination?**


	4. Gay Rights

**Written for the Day of Silence for gay rights. I know it's short, sorry. Also, today really is also "Get High Day"**

* * *

_Everyone is scared. -Ferb_

Why? -Phineas

_You're not talking. -Ferb_

But it's Day of Silence. -Phineas

They're honestly surprised that I, Phineas Flynn, am participating in Day of Silence? -Phineas

Even though I'm openly dating you? -Phineas

_They don't know today is Day of Silence. -Ferb_

_All they know is today is Get High Day. -Ferb_

Oh. Right. Forgot it was 4/20 today. -Phineas

Also, everyone is scared of you too. -Phineas

_This is getting ridiculous. -Ferb_

They aren't used to you talking. -Phineas

Are you explaining that you're being outspoken for Day of Silence because you're normally quiet? -Phineas

_Yes. But they aren't listening. -Ferb_

_How are you holding up? -Ferb_

My vocal chords are killing me cos they aren't used to not being used. -Phineas

Actually, they aren't, but my brain is. -Phineas

How are you always this quiet? -Phineas

_Years of habit. -Ferb_

* * *

**MY vocal chords are killing me, even if Phineas' aren't. Ah, painful.**

**Excuse me while I go eat and ignore you all now.**


End file.
